Carolyn
Hall
Words cannot express just how much I love this site. I've read just about everyones personal story and found that we all have this same desire. It's not that we want to belong, we just want to exist without having to justify our existence. I'm am so relived to know that I am not alone in all that I've experienced in my lifetime. I am mixed. I am adopted. My biological mother was/is White and while the records say my father was Black, Black people do not want to accept me. White people for that matter. It's funny how the Black race and the White race treat me. (I can now laugh at it). White people treat me like I have all the answers for the Black race, and the Black race treat me as if I purposely picked my light color, good hair and 'proper' way of speaking just to spite them. And no matter how much knowledge I have in Aferican American studies, no matter how much prejudice I encouter, that is still not good enough. But like I've said, I'm over that now. The one thing/person that helped me realize this is my daughter Logan. Her father is Black, a very light skinned Black man whose White roots are very obvious. My daughter was born with this beautiful honey complexion and darling blond curly hair. I can only hope that she doesn't have to experience the hardship in realizing who your friends are once they find out that she's will not pick any race other than the human race. I like to look at my bi-racial heritage as having the best of both worlds. And that's how I want my daughter to think of it also. I also have another reason why I wanted to update my section. The other day, when a White co-worker tried to assure me that she wasn't prejudiced against Black people. She said that her parents raised her to treat everyone as an equal. I asked her my million dollar question. What would happen if she brought a Black man home with her that she wanted to marry. She stated that while she didn't know what her parents would do, a situation like that would never happen. When I asked her why, she said that she didn't see Black men in that way. In my opinion, when you see everyone as equal, you can tell if a person is attractive or not. Just because I find Brad Pitt cute, doesn't mean anything, just like I find Wil Smith cute, that doesn't define my 'color'. This person can't even think of someone of color in a an attractive light. That is sad. That is what's wrong with this world! My other observation is the color line at work, especially when it comes to Black women. When I think of how Black women have treated me in the work place, I would almost rather they have just slapped me in the face. I cannot help my color. And not to sound 'stuck-up', I can't help if some men find me attractive. When it comes to the Black women I've had to deal with, I feel like they always have their guard up with me. I have had to listen to radio shows being played in the office that make fun of White people, if I were to play a station that made fun of Black people, I would have been fired! My mother-in-law (very, very, very light-skinned) has to deal with tons of competitive Black women also. We have to work just as hard as everyone else! There are no special previldges of being mixed! I used to work at this store in the mall, and when a Black woman came to the counter, she would already start rolling her eyes at me once I asked if I could help her. White people on the other hand would lay their money down on the counter rather than touch my hand to pay me. It is all sad. My solution to it all is to start teaching our children differently. If it's someone in your family with an attitude or even a friend who has an attitude because you won't pick a race, or mad just because you won't tolorate ANY comment (whether it's from a White or Black person), then I say cut off all ties with that person. It may be hard, but that's the only way people will learn. And they can learn, one of the Godmothers of my daughter had to learn the hard way. I know she loves my daughter, and she never realy realized how her comments against White people bothered me. But I can tell she has taken a deeper look at herself, and I thank her for doing so. Well, I could go on and on about this subject, but I won't. Thanks for listening.