Adult Discussion Topic

Do you feel more comfortable in the black (hispanic, asian, native american, etc,) community or in the white community?

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I'd have to say that I sometimes feel comfortable in black communities. I'm from Washington D.C., and it is not like I'm scared to go anywhere but, I'm half black and half italian, and my mother and aunt are the only two white women who live in our are. Some times people look at me like we're crazy when they see us together, and that is from both , the white and the black side. I also get look at and treated differently because of my appearence, people pre-judge me without even know me. Now I'm in the Navy and I am stationed in Maine the town that I live in (Brunswick) has no blacks except for the few in the military, there is all whites, and the only blacks you might see more of is further south of Maine. I have a problem with that because, I have a 8th mth old son, and there is no culture diversity here the way it is in D.C. but, here the crime rate is not high at all, and it is a good place to raise children in that aspect.

Now up here in Maine the white people look at you funny like they have never seen black people before and they at time make stupid remarks and do stupid things, and I really don't like being in that kind of enviroment.

Having just moved to San Francisco from New York City, I find that I am growing concerned about the complexion of my neighborhood. Most places are not like New Tyork City, where you are thrown together with all kinds of people no matter what the neighborhood(in most cases).

I am, of course, mixed B/W and have always felt like I would always have exposure to both worlds, all worlds, living on NYC. Everywhere you go there are so many cultures around. I knew where to get my, in between, "nappy"(and proud of it) hair done and where to go to find out more about my Black heritage, which was unknown to me until I was about 16.

I'm noticing that here in SF things are a bit more segregated than I feel comfortable with. I live in a beautiful suburb of SF. So far I have only seen one other Afro-American person of color there. I worry that this will be the way it is for my children if they live in most places other than NY. I want them to be exposed to their African heritage like I never was, but it seems that in SF, where most of the folks live "Oakland" aint so nice.

I worry about not being able to make any African-American friends here because I just won't be living or working in a place where it can happen. As a mulatta who looks more White than Black, at least to many Blacks, I feel it will be all the more difficult. I hate that I even have to think about this at all. I don't want to have to worry about finding a balance in my social life between Black and White, but I do. I am trying really hard to get away from classifying friends, because frienship should be free of all that crap. But in the back of my mind I always feel like it not right that I should be surrounded only by White people; that I am betraying my "blackness" and "passing". I have never felt entirely comfortable fitting in the Black world, because I never had any exposure to people of color until I was in my late teens. Sometimes I feel like it's too late for me to try and integrate myself in a more Afrocentric environment and get to know about that part of my culture. I have always depended in a large part on my neighborhood to help me do that and now I don't have that guaranteed exposure anymore. I feel a little bit at sea about that and I would just like to stop worrying about this whole thing completely, but I don't think I will ever be able to do that.

After years of feeling like I had to maintain an "equal" balance between b/w/others in my life, finally I don't really care. I realized recently that in my drive to have a "balanced" life, what I was really doing was staying friends with people who did not really support me because I needed to have an equal number of "black" or "white" friends in my life.

Once I stopped trying to fulfill a subconscious "quota" I finally feel free. No longer do I feel I have to maintain equal numbers of "races" and "cultures" to have a truly "multicultural" life. I think "multicultural" starts on the inside -- not on the outside.

With that in mind, recently I've become rather disillusioned with a community I thought was made up of "people like me" -- the multiracial community. I've been involved in discussion groups and posted to web-sites, but it seems I'm finding the same sort of intolerance I thought was limited to people who came from one cultural background. There is a tendency, I think, among some multiracials to become self-righteous -- it's a mixed thing -- you wouldn't understand. I *know* I'm guilty of it. I even tried to express in a recent editorial how multiracials -- who should know better - perhaps harbored their own prejudices. For me, I finally acknowledged a prejudice against gay people, even though "some of my best friends were gay." I was rather surprised by some of the responses I received. I seem to have caught a lot of heat from some who thought my words were not thorough enough, that I should have included more gays and/or more blacks. Which was not the point of my essay anyway -- the point was that as a community we need to guard against becoming infected with the same self-righteous intolerance we so despise in others. Sadly, I feel that particular message did not come though, but was lost in reactionary postings that could not begin to see there are similarities between communities that are persecuted, despite cultural differences.

Just venting...

Here is my problem! I am so sick and tired of having to defend Black people to White people but in turn I am supposed to ignore any comments made about White people by Black people. There is a popular Black radio disc jockey who, for part of his 'act' has a stereotypical white man come on the air and speak for all White people. Now, if an all White radio station had a stereotypical Black man come on and speak for all Black people, Black people would raise hell. Why is it so accepted when it comes to Black people making White people the 'butt' of the joke. And I cannot accept, "Well White men have been doing it to the Black Community for centuries," as an answer. There is no excuse for that. When speaking of a community whether it's Black or White, we also have to think about the work community. I worked in a predominately Black state office at one time. Because I am mixed and I do not specify White or Black to people, the Black people at my job we're so mean. They would purposely play the radio station with the DJ that made fun of White people, they would go on and on about "The White Man", purposely exclude me from any company functions, never give me my phone messages, and purposely interrupt a conversations that I was having if it was with a Black man. These were mainly Black women that I worked with, which my husband (bless his heart) said they were just jealous. Of course when I found other friends in the departemnt who happened to be White, suddenly the 'slick comments' were, "Oh what? She must think she's too good to be with us." Needless to say I no longer work there. Now I work in a predominately White office and I prefer it. There isn't that stress. Because there are other African-American who work here, I have not become the 'spokes-person' for the whole race (on either side). My mother-in-law (who's also of mixed heritage) is also going through the same thing I went through before. Surely there must be some sort of Civil Rights Law againts this discrimination. Yes, discrimination. This is discrimination against mixed people from Black people. This commentary I guess, could also go under the Elitist. I am not the one who thinks I am elite, it is those who chose not to get to know me who put me there.

I have to say I pretty much agree with Raza's take on things - although as a man, I don't get the hooting and hollering that she said she gets. I do know what she is talking about, though - my sisters have gotten it.

One other difference - I live in a large metro area with many "others" - Latins, Middle Easterners, Asians - and given my "swarthy" appearance, the first impression most people have is that I am in fact one of those "others". The "what are you" comment doesn't usually happen until after someone hears my totally American accent and has trouble reconciling it with my appearance.

I would have to say I feel more comfortable in an predominantly white community. I have lived in a mostly white, upscale community my entire life, though I lived in an all-black environment in my early 20's and visited all-black communities as a child.

I have never experienced open, vulgar behavior in the community in which I live. Occasionally I am subjected to the "what are you?" comment, but I have experienced nothing like the hooting and hollering I have gotten in a predominantly black environment. I am treated like an outsider when I visit black-owned businesses like salons or even the grocery store; I am treated slightly better if I am accompanied by somone who is "obviously" black. Other times I have been called names, laughed at, and generally made to feel uncomfortable in public, though I usually feel welcome at the homes of friends.

Community.... For the first time I am living in a neighborhood where I feel truly comfortable. I live in a predominatly Latino neighborhood in Washington DC. Up till now, I have lived in all Black neighborhoods, and once or twice in an all White neighborhood. In this "Brown" community, where I make my home now, I feel truly at home. I love the diversity of the community, the International feel, and the mixed families who also make their home here.

In terms of friends, most of my closest friends are Middle Eastern, or white. I have a few Black friends, but we really don't "hang" out together. It has to do with my political leanings more than anything else. I am fairly conservative, and in a liberal city like DC, that does not go over well. I also prefer rock and classical music. I like Hip Hop, but I hate the concerts I prefer to hike in the mountains on the weekends, attend poetry readings and political discussions more than anything else. It is not about not wanting to be with other Black folks. It is about doing what I like to do and with folks who like the same things. I am also more of a revolutionary sort. I have a professional job, I am not a Christian, I am not an upper class snob. It makes it hard for me to relate to Black Folks in my economic strata because although I am upwardly mobile, I am still very clear about my working class roots. I am frugal, I live simply, and it is hard to fit into the hard driving Black middle class when I have simpler ideas. I might have the income, and the job, but not the same ideas.

I guess I don't really feel comfortable in either the black or the white community. I tend to prefer to hang out with internationals, because at least most of them have done some traveling and have a broader, more open perspective.

Looking "european" was the way I survived high school, because at that time you either hung out with the black group or the white group, with a few people "switch hitting"

There was a time when I thought I would never leave the black community, because I felt I had "strayed" by growing up with my (predominantly) white mother. The fact of the matter was that I had internalized comments projected onto me by people who were incapable of understanding anything outside of their own limited perspective.

At this time, I function best in a predominantly white community, though my closest friend is black. I get sick of having to defend myself against all kinds of vulgarities, and I'm also tired of listening to comments about "the man" and what he is supposedly doing to people. I feel that this is a lame excuse for inaction on the part of the person doing the complaining.

Because of years of emotional and verbal abuse, the way I celebrate my "blackness" is through music - Marvin Gaye won't talk back to me, though he might beg once in awhile!

I regret to say that I have not heard racial comments to me personnaly in the white community. I realize however the racism is there. It may not be spoken but it is tranferred. However I sure have experienced racial slurs in the Africian-Americian community. This has saddened me greatly. My ability to deal with the situation is due to the fact that when a people such as the Africian-Americian people have been exploited in this country, you tend to exploit others especially when there is not a complete healing. I able to live and deal with either community because neither person in each are perfect and there will be always be ingnorant and erroneous people. And I don't tolerate racial slurs in my presence.

I think if i'm honest i feel more comfortable in white community. I think because while some of them do not except me. They tend not to be vocal ,about it. I get a lot of flack from the black community. Many of them accuse me of trying to be White. Whatever that means. I hope your list REALLY catches on.

I don’t feel comfortable in either 100% of the time. In the black community I am often negatively judged due to my appearance and in the white community I often hear racial slurs. I don’t feel as if I totally fit into either. I hope that the newly forming multiracial community will be the most comfortable place for me.

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